


Of Sausages And Sandwiches

by PBJellie



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Comedy, Cryle Week 2019, Deaf Character, Explicit Language, M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 09:23:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18736201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PBJellie/pseuds/PBJellie
Summary: Craig Tucker is deaf from an accident that is totally those guys fault. Everything is their fault, or it's Tweek's fault. So being asked about Kyle Broflovski is worse then being asked about open faced sandwiches and sausages.Written for day two of Cryle Week, Alternative Universe.





	Of Sausages And Sandwiches

**Author's Note:**

> Long time no see. Life has been rough, and I want to finish all the things I have posted. Hopefully life will chill out in a minute, so I can.
> 
> Written for Cryle Week, and this will probably be my only entry, but anything worth doing is worth halfassing. 
> 
> Sign Language is in italics.

Craig looked up to Tweek’s hands waving rapidly, gesturing in grand movements above his head.  
  
“Are you even listening?” Craig could read Tweek’s lips. He couldn’t hear him. He couldn’t hear anything. He groaned, presumably aloud. He couldn’t hear that either.  
  
“ _Shit, sorry man,”_ Tweek signed as Craig rolled his eyes. He smirked, because at least someone at school could talk to him, even if it was just Tweek.  
  
And if Tweek had only learned just in case he went deaf, that was fine. It’s not like it was catching. None of the those guys came back from Peru deaf, just him.  
  
“ _It’s fine.”_  
  
“ _So open faced sandwiches or sausages?”_ When Craig didn’t understand, Tweek started pantomiming.  
  
“ _Fuck.”_ Tweek wasn’t asking about food. In his strange sixteen year old boy way, he was asking about sex. What wasn’t sex with Tweek? “ _Stop. We’re in public.”_ __  
__  
Tweek looked up, grinning. He was pretending to hold a sausage in his hand and pressing his tongue into his cheek as he bobbed up and down. “ _They aren’t looking at us.”_ Tweek signed, before going through the motions of what Craig could only assume was oral sex with a woman.  
  
Why Tweek’s tongue was hanging out of his mouth was a question he didn’t want to ask.  
  
“ _Can we just eat lunch?”_  
  
“But would you rather have sandwiches or sausages?” Tweek smiled, pressing his tongue into his cheek one last time, just to make Craig blush.

 

“ _I’d rather have a friend who doesn’t embarrass me constantly.”_ __  
__  
_“Too bad,”_ Tweek shrugged, picking up his slice of pizza. He shoved it into his face with the same amount of grace he used to eat out that pretend vagina. That’s what it was called with girls, right?  
  
Craig didn’t know. He didn’t care for sandwiches.  
  
“ _Broflovski wants your sausage,”_ Tweek signed, his mouth full. Craig grimaced, watching him spell out Kyle’s name. Kyle Broflovski and his gang of life ruiners could go drown in a water park. Or they could get killed by a robot Barbra Streisand. Fuck, they could even be murdered by a sentient trapper keeper. “ _He does.”_ __  
__  
_“I don’t care.”_ __  
__  
_“Stan says he’s good at it,”_ Tweek smirked. _“Not as good as me, but still good.”_  
  
“ _G-R-O-S-S.”_ __  
__  
_“He cries during sex. It was gross. Said he didn’t want to use a condom. God, do you think he was trying to give me AIDS? I knew they were murders, but Jesus, man.”_ At that point, the signing stopped. Tweek tangled his hands in his hair and screamed.  
  
Craig assumed he screamed. He knew that Tweek used to scream, all the time. It seemed unlikely that he stopped, especially judging by how wide his mouth was open.  
  
Not to mention all the people staring.  
  
He didn’t bother signing anything. Tweek wasn’t looking, he was wildly swinging his head around the cafeteria, lips moving too fast for Craig to read. After a few more moments of panic, Tweek smoothed his hands over his shirt, a shaky smile playing across his lips.  
  
“ _I don’t think Kyle cries during sex,”_ Tweek signed. “ _Crying wouldn’t be bad, if it wasn’t sad crying. Stan is an ugly crier.”_ __  
__  
_“Stan is ugly,”_ Craig rolled his eyes.  
  
_“Oh man, I have some bad news for you then,”_ Tweek laughed, his mouth open.  
  
“ _Thanks,”_ Craig went back to picking at his pizza. Once it cooled, the grease settled on top of the pepperoni, like a gel. After a few more bites, he decided he could just eat at home.  
  
“ _Kyle was super into him though. Like best friends forever,”_ Tweek pressed his tongue into his cheek, howling with laughter when Craig pretended to vomit. “ _Turns out Kyle isn’t into shameless boning though. Stan complained because Kyle wouldn’t screw in the back of his dad’s car.”_ __  
__  
_“Randy’s or Gerald’s?”_ Craig laughed while Tweek choked down strawberry milk.  
  
_“I want to say that Kyle is too much of a pillow princess for either.”_ __  
__  
_“Pillow princess?”_ __  
__  
_“Stan said that Kyle only wanted to lay there. It’s not any fun unless it you ride cowboy,”_ Tweek signed as Craig looked puzzled for a moment.  
  
“ _Cowboy_?” Craig signed back, skeptical.  
  
“ _Cowboy is the best_.” Tweek laughed.  
  
“Why would Stan and Kyle ride cowboys?” Craig asked aloud. He must have asked louder than he intended, because people started staring.  
  
“ _If you want to ride Kyle, he’s looking.”_ __  
__  
Craig sank down in his seat, flustered. Cowboy was obviously a sex thing, and he was sure that he hadn’t even pronounced the word right. His doctor had told him that it was normal to lose your tone while going deaf, don’t worry about it, but he worried anyway.  
  
“Hi Kyle!” Tweek said. Craig looked down at his pizza. “Craig and I were just talking about you!”  
  
Kyle said something, his head turned to the side. Tweek laughed. Craig felt a pang of jealousy. They were having a conversation, presumably about him, right in front of him.  
  
“ _You’re leaving me out, again,”_ Craig signed, huffing as he caught Tweek’s eye.  
  
“ _Well since you like him so much, I’ll have him turn to face you. Fuck, don’t have to be such a cocksucker.”_ __  
__  
_“You’re a cocksucker,”_ Craig signed, bringing his hand to his mouth. He hadn’t really thought about how Kyle was facing him, watching him pretend to suck a penis. When he looked up, and Kyle stared at him wide eyed, he dropped his hands to his lap, then waved a half wave.  
  
“Hi,” Craig said, glaring at Tweek.  
  
When Kyle brought his hand to his forehead, and said hello that way, Craig was surprised. Tweek wasn’t, he just wore the same shit eating grin he always wore. When he brought his hands together in an attempt to say, sit down, Craig nodded.  
  
“ _I told you he wants to fuck,”_ Tweek grinned. Craig was a bit grateful that  
  
“ _Nice to meet you,”_ Kyle signed, moving his hands glacially slow. It reminded Craig of listening to his grandma talk when he could still hear. “ _My name is Kyle.”_ __  
__  
_“I know your goddamn name,”_ Craig signed, rolling his eyes.  
  
“ _Sorry,”_ Kyle signed. “I don’t know very much.”  
  
_"_ Shit _for brains,”_ Tweek signed, throwing his head back in a laugh. Craig snorted, watching Kyle trying to piece together what had just happened.  
  
“He said you have shit for brains,” Craig said, nose crinkled as he laughed. “ _Not wrong,”_ he signed.  
  
“ _Mean,”_ Kyle signed, glaring. “ _Craig,”_ he fingerspelled, “ _you want to together?”_ __  
__  
_“What?”_ Craig asked as Tweek howled with laughter.  
  
“ _Shit for brains,”_ Tweek signed again, shaking his head. He grabbed Kyle’s hands, moving them for him. He went through the motions again, but at the end, he pulled Kyle’s thumbs up.  
  
“Do you want to go on a date?” Kyle asked, as he went through the hand motions again.  
  
Craig’s next reaction was to laugh uncontrollably. Why would he ask that? No one had ever asked him that before, not even Tweek. Tweek had propositioned that they suck each other’s dicks multiple times, with Craig refusing at every instance. __  
__  
_“He can’t even talk to me?”_ He signed, gasping for air at the absurdity of the situation.  
  
“ _He’s obviously trying,_ ” Tweek narrowed his eyes. “ _He thinks your smart. He’s into that.”_ __  
__  
_“I am smart.”_ Craig signed back. “ _I whooped his ass in phsyics. A ten point lead. I set the curve, not him.”_ __  
__  
_“And that gives him a boner,”_ Tweek chuckled.  
  
“What are you saying?” Kyle asked, nudging Tweek. “Did he say yes?”  
  
“Oh yeah, man. He’s totally into you.” Tweek said, before Craig could correct him. “ _Get some before you graduate. Someone just laying there isn’t bad for your first.”_ __  
__  
_“I hate you,”_ Craig signed, pointing at Tweek .  
  
“I thought we could go see a movie.”  
  
“ _Because I can totally hear a movie. I hate you.”_ __  
__  
_“He wants to see some foreign film, it’ll have subtitles. I think it’s French. Maybe it has lesbians. If you don’t like him, then you like lesbians.”_ Tweek looked wistfully at Craig. “ _I like lesbians.”_   
  
“I hate you,” Craig groaned aloud. “I hate you,” he repeated, so that Kyle could understand. “I hate lesbians. I hate movies.”

  
“ _You hate lesbians because you like sausage,”_ Tweek laughed, elbowing Kyle.  
  
“I feel left out,” Kyle said, carefully enunciating every word.  
  
“Welcome to the club,” Craig said, doing the same. “I’ve been here for seven years.”  
  
“Just go on the damn date,” Tweek said aloud while signing. “ _One date won’t kill you.”_ __  
__  
_“It might if it’s with him. I hate you.”_ __  
__  
_“I am your only friend. You do not hate me.”_ Tweek shrugged at the end, daring Craig to say something.  
  
“Tweek said you’d like to see a movie,” Kyle said while making eye contact. “We can do something else.”  
  
“No lesbians,” Craig narrowed his eyes.  
  
“Craig’s so gay that he hates lesbians. I’m helping overcome his prejudices.”  
  
“What? It’s a Spanish documentary about farm worker conditions in Mexico.” After that, Kyle started speaking so fast that Craig couldn’t understand. He nodded anyway, shooting Tweek another glare.  
  
“ _If it’s a movie, you won’t have to talk to him. I thought it was a good idea.”_ Tweek smiled. “You two are gonna have so much fun, man. Wear protection.”  
  
Kyle gnawed his lip as Craig shook his head.  
  
“ _When are we going?”_ Craig signed. Once he realized that the vacant look on Kyle’s face meant that he had no idea what he was saying, he asked allowed. “When?”  
  
Kyle signed something that was probably supposed to mean Friday, but ended up being butthole. Craig shook his head, correcting him. This was why he held the top spot in all of his classes.  
  
Kyle was an idiot.  



End file.
